How to Watch Football

Okay, I think it is time for me to teach you how to be a football fan. Many people do not understand this. They are confused and think they are fans but they are delusional. There is a hierarchy for being a true fan. This does not leave room for team jumpers or those who are so-called fans of teams that are winning at the moment. Not fans.

Someone asked me the other day if I were a Dallas Cowboys fan. I said: What else would I be? I've lived here all my life and the team we like here is Dallas. It is our home team. I asked him if he went to high school. He said yes. I said: Did you root for some other high school team? Of course, he at this point became confused and the conversation was over.

To help you discover which team you should root for, I have set up the following hierarchy. Measure all the teams by this hierarchy. This applies to college and pro:

1. Which team is the closest?
2. Which college did you or a close relative attend?
3. Where were you born?
4. Where are places you lived before?
5. What state do you live in?
6. What other teams do you like?

My favorite teams would be as follows:

1. Dallas Cowboys and TCU Horned Frogs
2. Houston Texans and Rice Owls
3. Texas Longhorns
4. I'm impartial to other teams

Here is how my wife's teams should line up:

1. Dallas Cowboys and TCU Horned Frogs
2. Washington Redskins and San Francisco 49ers
3. Texas Longhorns
4. Miami Dolphins and New Orleans Saints and Indianapolis Colts

My daughters should follow the same teams I do plus #6 and excepting the Houston teams. Unfortunately, one of them is confused as is the fellow I spoke to above.

Older Daughter

1. Dallas Cowboys and TCU Horned Frogs
2. Texas Longhorns
3. Denver Broncos and Cincinnati Bengals

Younger Daughter

1. Dallas Cowboys and TCU Horned Frogs
2. Texas A&M Aggies
3. none

I hope I have cleared up all your confusion. You should use this list to write down your real favorite teams so that you will no longer be confused and eventually will become a real fan.

If you have new tips to add, just send them to the address below.

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