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Ask Moe Ron I know football is the only really important thing in life, so I started a page where you can tap into my rare wisdom to solve your problems. (In the case things don't quite work out, I don't know you.) As the season dies down, I will help you cope with the loss. Just ask me your question and I'll give you the solution. My answers may not help everyone but they sound good to me. Dear Moe Ron: What should I do to kill time until football season comes back? Signed, Lost. Dear Lost: Go outside and look around. At first you might want to wear sunglasses unless it is dark in which case you might bump into something. Try fishing, hunting, or gal-watching. (Make sure to leave your wife home on that last one.) (Come to think of it, leave her home on the other ones, too.) Dear Moe Ron: Are there any other sports to watch when football is over? Signed, Football Lover. Dear Football Lover: No. Dear Moe Ron: Would baseball or soccer fill the emptiness? Signed, Dishearted. Dear Dishearted: What are they? Dear Moe Ron: Is NASCAR a real sport? Signed, Jimmy Gordon. Dear Jimmy: You've got to be kidding. All those guys have to do is drive until they cross the finish line. What kind of a challenge is that? Where's the Defense? You might say the other drivers are the defense but they're all going the same way. Forget about that. They don't even use real cars. Dear Moe Ron: How many yards are on a football field. Signed, Ricky Bob. Dear Ricky Bob: To tell you the truth, you can't even get one good yard in there. Where do you think there's room for my car collection and sports devices? Not to mention our old beer fridge and ping pong table. Dear Moe Ron: Why isn't a football round like other sports. Signed, Confused. Dear Confused: A football is shaped the way it is because it wouldn't be any challenge to catch it if it just bounced straight ahead. What fun would an onside kick be? Dear Moe Ron: What's the difference between a Longhorn and an Aggie? Signed, Aggie Fan Dear Aggie Fan: Winning. Dear Moe Ron: I don't really like football. What should I do? Signed, In the Dark. Dear In the Dark: Stay there. Dear Moe Ron: Why have all the teams gone to black and white uniforms? Signed, Bored. Dear Bored: You need a new antenna. Dear Moe Ron: My wife said I shouldn't boo the refs. Is she right? Signed, Henpecked. Dear Henpecked: That's why they're on the field. The only exception to this is when you agree with them.
Send your questions to: askmoeron at gmail dot com If you can't figure out how to write that, your question will probably be stupid, anyway. |
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